Weighting for Christmas Read online

  Having said all of that, I do need to go shopping. My workout wardrobe consists of three pairs of yoga pants, one with a ripped seam thanks to squats, and several baggy t-shirts, a couple even have pizza stains. It is definitely time to treat myself.

  But workout clothes? There are so many other things that I’d prefer to spend money on, like Oreos and Coca Cola. Chad is right, dammit! I’m not going to tell him though. It’d go right to his head, and let’s face it, his head is big enough.

  *****

  I love Moscow Mules. It’s my drink of choice. I love the bite of the ginger beer and there’s nothing much better than lime and vodka. I’m on my second when Blake finally arrives. He’s fifteen minutes late and he’s not winning any points with me by making me sit at the bar drinking alone. Even I’m not that pathetic.

  “I’m so very sorry,” he says as he places his hand on my back and leans in to kiss me on the cheek. I’m Blake, by the way,” he smiles.

  “Kate.”

  “You are much prettier in person. Your photo doesn’t do you justice.”

  Okay, so he may not have started out well, but he’s making up for it.

  “You’re too kind,” I blush. “Thank you.”

  “I see you already have a drink.” He waves at the bartender and orders a beer… from a can.

  We’ve just taken three steps backwards. My dad would never approve of a man who drinks beer from a can! I mean, come on.

  We chat for a while, getting to know one another. Apparently, he never wanted to be a CPA, but he kind of fell into it after getting an accounting degree. We really do have quite a bit in common, although I would consider myself more of a dog person, rather than a cat lover. He shows me several photos of his cat. He even has pictures of Fluffy all dressed up as a fairy. Yes, I said Fluffy. I have trouble with no originality. And dressing up your cat? I don’t know about that either. There just seems to be some things that are a bit off to me. I can’t necessarily point to anything definite – it’s more of a feeling.

  But he seems interested. He also likes to touch me. Not in a weird or sexual way, but his hand on mine, or on my arm. You don’t realize how much you miss physical contact from a man until you haven’t had it for a very long time. It feels nice.

  We decide to extend the date and move to the restaurant and have dinner. And then his phone rings. It’s his mother. She needs him to come over – right this second – and he agrees to go! I mean we’re on a fucking date and he is going to leave me to see his mother?

  “Is everything okay?” I ask.

  “It will be,” Blake says, a crease in his forehead, concern apparent. “Her cable isn’t working on her TV and Jeopardy starts in a few minutes, so I need to go.”

  “She needs you to come now? I thought we were going to have dinner.” I’m pissed. He’s going to choose fixing his mother’s television over having dinner with me?

  “It’s Jeopardy. She watches every night.”

  “If you leave right now, Blake,” I say sternly, “don’t bother contacting me again.”

  “Okay,” he sighs.

  He doesn’t move and I’m not sure what he means.

  “Well, have a good night,” he finally says and walks away.

  The asshole hasn’t even settled his tab. He leaves me to pay for his fucking can of beer!

  Actually, I’m not really that pissed off he’s gone. I pay the bar tab and then on my way back to my car, I stop at a sporting goods store in the mall and look for workout clothes. I admit that the yoga pants I have I bought online and are kind of ugly but they were cheap. I am amazed at how pretty and colorful some of this stuff is. I had no idea!

  A very nice woman is stocking shelves very close to the racks I am searching through and maybe because of my plus size, or maybe it’s my look of utter confusion, she comes over and asks me if she can help me.

  “That would be great!” I squeak. “I really don’t know what size I am or what I want.”

  “Let’s start with an extra-large,” she replies.

  “Oh, no. I’ll need a bigger size than that.”

  She smiles. “I think you should start with the XL and we’ll see how they fit. Now, what do you want? Sports bras?”

  I nod.

  “And some yoga pants, capris I think to show off those legs,” she grins.

  “My legs?”

  “You have great legs.”

  She must be blind.

  “My name is Carrie so if you need anything just yell,” she says as she unlocks a dressing room door for me with a million items of clothing to try on. But they’re all Large or XL, so none of them are going to fit.

  I lock myself in and undress, hanging my dress and bra on one of the hooks and avoid looking in the mirror as I pull on the black yoga pants and neon pink sports bra.

  “This can’t be right,” I mutter. I look in the mirror. They fit… perfectly. I can wear an extra-large. “Holy shit!” I can’t help but grin like an idiot. I’m not wearing a plus size anything. “Really?”

  I’m just staring at my reflection in the mirror. It’s just so weird.

  “How ya doing in there?” Carrie’s voice yells through the door.

  “Um, fine,” I reply.

  “Do they fit?”

  “Um, yeah,” I marvel. “They do.”

  “Awesome. Let me know if you need anything, k?”

  I try everything on. The larges don’t fit, but who cares? I’m not wearing a plus size. I gather up the items that I’ve fallen in love with. I have capri yoga pants, sports bras, and tank tops in that silky lycra fabric. I leave the dressing room to find new socks and a pair of new tennis shoes. By the time I’m done shopping, my Visa balance is quite a bit larger than before but I am excited to wear my new clothes to the gym on Thursday. I’ll show Chad. He won’t even recognize me.

  Oh, and who the hell is Blake? I’ve forgotten him already.

  *****

  There is something profoundly different this morning as I get ready for work. A shift has occurred and as I brush mascara onto my lashes, I think I might be seeing myself differently than yesterday.

  Now, don’t get me wrong. I have a long way to go, but I see the progress that Chad has been telling me about. I actually see it. Finally.

  My belt is another hole tighter. My dress is a touch baggy and it’s just as well I wear it with a belt. Did I say my belt is a hole tighter?

  I curl my hair and take a few minutes longer with it to make it fall effortlessly down my back in perfect ringlets. I line my eyes a little darker than usual and I use that bright red lipstick that I fell in love with when I bought it but have been too afraid to wear it out of my apartment. Yes, a shift has occurred.

  I spend all morning running month-end reports. Normally, this is not a task I enjoy, but I’m smiling. I can’t help it. It’s like my lips are frozen in an upward position. And Tina has noticed. She keeps asking what’s up and she doesn’t believe me when I tell her “nothing.”

  A call from my mother can’t even dull my good mood.

  “Hi Kate. I’m thinking we should probably decide what we’re doing for your birthday next week. It’s the big one and we need to celebrate.”

  “Whatever,” I shrug. I turn thirty next week and I should be feeling something about it, but I don’t care. “Just dinner with the family is fine.”

  “At home or a restaurant?”

  “Hmmm,” I consider the question. “Let’s go somewhere. Ask Will to pick something. He has good taste.”

  “Are you saying I don’t?” my Mom accuses me.

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying,” I laugh. “Let Will pick out the place. Please?”

  “Fine. Will can pick the restaurant.”

  Thank goodness that’s settled.

  When I arrive at the gym on Thursday, the spring in my step disappears once I walk inside. I’m still the fat girl here. All these thin girls with an hourglass figure make me feel like the station wagon at a convertible car show. I just ca
n’t compete with their bodies.

  “Well, damn girl!” Chad exclaims as he rounds the corner as I am walking out of the locker room. “Hot damn!”

  I try to hide my grin, but his genuine reaction has me feeling good. “It’s just some new clothes,” I blush.

  “It’s not the clothes,” Chad shakes his head. “It’s what’s under them. You are looking mighty fine.”

  “Let’s get to those squats, shall we? I don’t think these are gonna fall off,” I grin.

  “Well, that’s just too bad,” Chad sighs.

  He’s flirting with me. I like it, even if it is all just in fun.

  As I work out, there’s another shift that has occurred. After fourteen weeks, I feel stronger. As I work each of my muscle groups, I feel the change in my body. As I lift the battle ropes, they aren’t nearly as heavy as they were just a couple of weeks ago. It’s almost as if I am in control. I’m not even despondent over the scale not moving… again.

  “That was a great workout,” Chad says as I finish up on the treadmill. “You are amazing, Kate. Really. You have done a phenomenal job and I can only expect you to keep getting better.”

  “You know, I was only going to come for a month to make my Mom happy, and now we are getting close to four months and I’m not ready to quit, not yet anyway,” I add with a laugh.

  “You should never quit. Just keep getting stronger and healthier.”

  “And lose more weight,” I insist. “I need to lose more weight.”

  “It’s not about the number on the scale. Kate. You must remember that. Come here.” He drags me over to the mirrored wall. “Now look at yourself. Start at your feet and work up.” He kneels down beside me and runs his hands over my calves and up to my thighs. “That’s not fat. That’s muscle,” he says as he caresses my skin.

  Damn!

  “And your ass?” he says as he slaps me on the butt. “This used to jiggle. There’s no jiggling going on back here anymore.”

  My God! He’s killing me! His fingers are trailing over my skin and the butterflies in my stomach are turning into giant bats, banging around in there.

  “Your hips are perfectly proportioned to your waist,” he says as he stands up and places his hands around my waist. “And then as you go up from here,” he whispers in my ear, “well, it’s just perfection.”

  A shiver runs down my spine as my eyes close and heat pulses inside me.

  “You are perfection,” he whispers, his warm breath brushes lightly against my skin, sending goose bumps down my arms. “See yourself the way I see you.” Then, just as if a light switch was flicked, he steps back and returns to Chad, the personal trainer. “Prepare to sweat on Saturday,” he grins. “I’m gonna work you hard. See you then.”

  And he disappears.

  What. The. Hell. Just. Happened?

  EIGHT

  The celebration has been scheduled for Friday night at a great restaurant. I’m looking forward to it, which is rather unusual. Typically, meals with my family end in me getting pissed off over some stupid comment about my weight, or lack of boyfriend, or my apathetic response to said comments. But this year is different.

  I’ve invited Chad.

  For two reasons. First, to round out the number to six. Five is just awkward. And second, he’s turning out to be my best friend. Conversation is easy with him, and I find myself opening up to him in a way that I haven’t since Luke and Gary in college. It’s crazy to think how if it hadn’t been for my Mom and her stupid Christmas present, I would have missed out on having Chad in my life. Thanks, Mom.

  Even though my actual birthday is on Thursday, I work that day and take Friday off. I’ve spent the day at a spa and salon having a full body massage, a manicure and pedicure, a facial, and my hair trimmed and styled. It was my gift to myself. Oh, and I bought a new car!!!

  I’ve been wanting a new car for the last year or so and today I pulled the trigger and signed my life away. I haven’t had a car payment for a while, but it will be worth the three hundred dollars a month to drive this beauty. It’s red, with leather seats and every upgrade imaginable. I think I am in love.

  As I park it in my space in the underground parking garage of my apartment building, I admire her as I walk backwards to the elevator. Chad’s comments about cars come to mind. If a small sports car implies a man has a tiny dick, and his Dodge Ram implies he has an impressive package, what does my four-door red sedan say about me? Hmm. I will have to ask him tonight.

  I’ve also bought a new dress for dinner. It’s an XL – no more plus sizes for me! As I wandered through the department store, I almost cried when I tried the dress on to find it fit me like a glove… like it was made specifically for me. I had to buy it. It’s red, just like my car. It was meant to be.

  My hair is already done. The stylist has trimmed it and gotten rid of the split ends and has curled it into soft spiraling curls. I apply some makeup – I don’t wear a lot – and decide on black pumps and a black leather purse. I’m ready to go and celebrate turning thirty. It’s going to be a great year.

  *****

  “Wow! Thank you!” I am blown away by their gift. Mom and Dad have given me a five-hundred-dollar gift card to Nordstrom’s to buy new clothes.

  “You need to replace your wardrobe,” Mom smiles. “We are really very proud of you, Kate.”

  “You should be,” Chad interjects. “She has worked very hard.”

  I look across the table to see him smiling at me. Our eyes lock and for just a moment, I forget that we aren’t alone. He is disarming when he smiles at me like this. But the intimate moment ends as Grace shoves a gift bag into my hands.

  “Open it!” she orders with a giggle.

  I’m immediately wary of what I will find inside. I look at Will and he shrugs and shakes his head.

  “I have no idea what it is,” he mouths with an apologetic grin.

  I look back at Grace.

  “Come on,” she insists.

  I pull out some tissue paper and then I feel lace in my hand as I extract the item from the inside of the bag.

  My eyes open wide and my jaw drops open. It’s underwear, more specifically, a bra and panties set that I promptly stuff back down into the bag, hoping nobody saw the garments but me.

  “Aren’t they gorgeous?” Grace gushes with enthusiasm.

  “Mmm. Thank you,” I blush. Then I make the mistake of looking at Chad to see his big grin. Mortification washes over me and I place the bag on the floor, under my chair.

  “Here,” Chad beams as he jumps up and rushes around the table to me. He hands me a small box with a pretty bow tied around it.

  I look up at him with surprise. “You didn’t have to get me anything,” I whisper.

  “I know, but I wanted to, and when I saw this, I knew you had to have it.”

  I reverently take the box and place it on the table in front of me and untie the bow, lift off the lid and find a black velvet box inside. I glance back up at Chad to see him grinning from ear to ear. I retrieve the box and open it.

  “Oh, Chad! It’s beautiful.”

  “You are beautiful,” he murmurs in my ear as he takes the box from my hands. He gently takes the necklace from the satin pillow and I lift my hair so he can place it around my neck.

  It’s silver… a box chain, with a silver charm that says Strong is Beautiful in a delicate, swirly font.

  “It describes you perfectly,” he adds as I lower my hair and finger the charm laying against my skin. He kisses my cheek and then returns to his chair opposite me.

  My pulse is racing and Grace is staring at me, her mouth opened in shock. I have to bite down on the insides of my lips to keep from grinning like an idiot. It’s the best gift I’ve ever received and I know I will treasure it forever.

  “I have one more present for you,” Mom says and totally ruins the moment. In fairness, she doesn’t know there is a moment, but still. She hands me another envelope.

  “I’m not sure I want any more envelopes
from you,” I chuckle, but I’m dead serious.

  “Open it,” she insists. “This is a fun gift.”

  I don’t believe her for one minute, but I open the envelope to find a gift certificate… to Glamour Shots.

  Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

  Dear Lord. Why couldn’t I have been born to a normal mother.

  “I’ll come with you, if you’d like,” she offers happily.

  “Thanks,” I whimper.

  “Me too!” Chad adds. “I’d love to see that.”

  I give him the eye… the one that says Shut. Up. Now.

  He just laughs at me.

  *****

  Will’s taste in restaurants didn’t disappoint and, he insisted on paying the bill. He’s a good guy. If I had to pick a brother, he’d be the one.

  I’ve thoroughly enjoyed myself, probably a little too much. We’ve polished off a few bottles of wine and I’ve treated myself to a couple of my favorite drinks – the delicious Moscow Mule. I’m having a fabulous time.

  Mom and Dad left some time ago and Grace is starting to whine about being tired, so Will apologizes that they have to duck out, too. Chad assures him that he will make sure I get home okay. He already has my keys.

  That leaves just me and Chad.

  I pour the last few drops of Riesling into my glass and down it in one gulp.

  “Should we order another?” I ask.

  Chad chuckles. “I don’t think so. I do believe that you’re drunk.”

  “Nooo,” I exaggerate the o sound. “I can drink more. Wanna see?”

  Laughing, he declines the show. “It might be time to get you home.”

  “Yes! I can drive you in my new car. Did you know I have a new car? I do. It’s red. And pretty.”

  “I bet it is,” Chad replies as he helps me up and takes my purse and hangs it over my shoulder. “But I think I will take you home.”

  “In your truck?”

  “Yes, in my truck.”

  “So, I get to see your package,” I giggle.

  That makes him laugh. “Would you like to see my package?”

  “I would. I bet it’s huge.”

  “Definitely time for you to go home.”